I GOT A 99 AND I WANT TO DIE

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Dear World,

  It has been quite a while since my last update, and this is the first post of September, if I am not mistaken, yes? My laptop has been experiencing Wifi connection problems and I have been going a trying time as well (academics and responsibilities, whats new?) Here's a poem I wrote yesterday, inspired by a dear friend, just one of the many lame jokes she makes. 

I GOT A 99 AND I WANT TO DIE
I got a 99 and I want to die,
for I am not the highest,
the girl next door got a 100,
my mother is embarrassed. 
She asked me to study harder,
so that I could be a doctor.
She didn't know I tried my best,
instead she called me a pest,
quit leeching off me and start feeding the rest,
she said. 
Look at your brother,
a well-established lawyer,
she said. 

She knows nothing about my silent tears,
nor my greatest fears,
nor my actual ambition,
she just puts me under suspension. 

I got a 99 and I want to die,
for I am not the highest,
father only cares if I am the best,
even then he says try harder,
even then it doesn't really matter.

He is hardly ever home,
one week in Tokyo, another in Rome,
I wonder if he ever misses home,
or if he considers this as a home.
For whenever he is back,
even before he unpacks, 
my mother will start to peck,
and the house dissolves into chaos,
I will shut my door,
and wait for the music to drown their voices.

I got a 99 and I want to die,
what I really want is just a homemade pie,
tell me good job, it isn't a lie.
Ask me what's on my mind,
ask me if I am alright.
It isn't so hard to make me smile,
please, I don't want to die. 

Note: This poem is not based on my personal experience for I have two loving and supportive parents who constantly encourage me to pursue my dreams. I thank God everyday for them. Instead, this is a silent cry of the children living under the shadows of the others, constantly pushed towards the well-crafted path in their parents' mind ever since birth. A silent message, they want to be loved. I urge you to listen, pay close attention and you will hear. 

  That's all for now, might be updating on my adventures in Kuala Lumpur from Sunday. Have a blessed week. Selamat hari raya aidiladha, for the ones who are celebrating. As for the rest, enjoy your long weekends/ short break.

Song: ilusm by gnash
Mood: trials in less than a week (welp)
Weather: it's sunny out there, it's gloomy in my room. 

Lots of love,
Treepokok


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